The Positive Intention Holding Us Back
My passion is to help myself and others walk a wellness lifestyle.
To shift from barely surviving to empowered thriving.
We have essential oils, nutritional and lifestyle supports, a wealth of education resources and a supportive community. The Live Guide is designed to help us evaluate and make changes to create more wellness in our lives.
Still, I notice though, within myself and others, that after a wellness consult (if we even prioritized doing it) though we have the tools and KNOW what we need to do to feel better and live better, often we just DON’T.
Why don’t we? What stops us?
When we know drinking more water will renew our skin, our joints, our energy and help us flush toxins?
When we know exercise will build strength, increase flexibilty and energy and even positive neurotransmitters relieving depression and releasing weight?
When we know we need to rest to restore our bodies and recover and yet burn the candle at both ends to do “just one more thing.”
When we know we need to say “No” to that volunteer opportunity to care for ourselves and our families and yet say, “Yes!!”
Let me introduce you to a concept that is relatively new to me and has transformed the way I work with this dilemma we all experience.
It’s the positive intention and the secondary gain.
Our bodies, minds and spirits are smart. Resourceful. We do things because at some point we found it helpful. And early in life we develop habitual patterns and beliefs that somehow once served, and now we don’t even realize we are running the show.
Example:
We binge watch Netflix while having another glass of wine when we are worried about our children. We know we’d feel better going for a walk or getting to bed. Why? Perhaps we have unwanted recurring thoughts and worries that just won’t stop and we’ve learned to distract ourselves and numb the mind and body.
We freak out at our kids when Dad’s home and otherwise engaged. He hears us hollering and comes to help. We don’t want to freak out--why do we? Perhaps we learned long ago that asking for the help we need is not okay. That we are supposed to be strong and hold it together. Perhaps we learned that it’s only when we completely fall apart that help arrives without guilt.
We say yes to volunteer again--to keep others happy. Somewhere along the line we discovered that if we do for others, others will like us, want us around, value us. We don’t want to find out what will happen if we say no. That approval and connection is too important to us, so we supress what we really need--again.
It’s easy to see in these examples that there is obviously another way, but underneath we have a positive intention behind what we do or don’t do.
These positive intentions, beliefs and patterns are literally running the program when we find ourselves responding in a way that doesn’t make sense to our stated goals.
How can we change the program?
The first step is recognizing that it’s running.
The second step is to view ourselves with compassion and non-judgement.
To invite curiosity and understanding.
When we heap judgment on top, it just adds a heavy layer, making it more difficult to make any changes--and it’s a program that runs too. Can we choose to set it aside for a bit, to get curious?
Sometimes when we recognize a program running, we have an a-ha moment and easily shift to something new. Many times, we discover that this program runs deep in our bones, our DNA, where we feel our very survival is at stake. At these times, calling in a coach or support can help hold space and walk you through processes that help to change the program.
That’s what Andrea did for me when I sought out her help in a situation where I wasn’t showing up the way I wanted to--and felt helpless to change.
That’s why I’ve taken her Arise Emotional Processing course and became certified as a Life Coach and Emotional Processing Facilitator.
If you find yourself knowing what you need to do for yourself and DON’T, I invite you to reach out for a coaching call.
You can experience uncovering your secondary gain--that thing stopping you from doing what you want to do to change. You can walk through processes that aid release of those patterns so you can freely pursue your wellness goals without the anchor holding you back.